Do you remember that episode of Seinfeld where George kept trying to get everyone at his office to call him T-Bone, but he instead got stuck with Koko? Like many episode of 90’s television, “The Maid” taught us a very important lesson, one that is all too often forgotten or overlooked by adults today. This lesson is that you can’t choose your own nickname.

This is one of the many thousands of small things that slightly irritate me in my daily life. It doesn’t really come up too much in work situations, but in social circles it’s much more prominent (and annoying). It’s even worse when you start meeting friends of friends of friends*, etc. It’s a simple rule – you can’t choose your own nickname. We all know that I love nicknames, but there’s just something wrong with choosing your own. I think this is due in part to it being a scientific fact that over 60% of nicknames are derogatory and something don’t really want to be called, and if someone’s going to make their own nickname, it’s going to be a lot closer to Iron Man Johnson than Mac ‘n’ Cheese. If you try to give yourself a nickname that makes you sound better, everyone will automatically assume you’re some kind of arrogant retard. It just doesn’t work. I don’t care if you yourself think the nickname is cute/funny/ironic/a social commentary. You want a nickname that bad? Just give me a minute.

Of course some exceptions may exist, but it’s overall that’s a very rare occurrence. It’s indeed amazing if someone creates or suggests a nickname for themselves that is then accepted by the general population. Further study is needed.

Where was I going with this? Nowhere.

*Yes, there is a single person who triggered this post. I won’t divulge names though.