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I’m so grateful this country I’m living in has the natural wonder that is the Japanese Four Seasons*. Only Japan has a full spectrum of 4 distinct seasons. This may be hard for you to comprehend but let’s take a look at them:

• His Holy Majesty the Emperor’s Winter
• Graceful Dance of the Falling Cherry Blossoms Spring
• Who Needs Central AC When You Have Paper Fans Summer
• OMFG Nippon is the Greatest Country in the Galaxy Our Leaves Change Color Fall**

No other country in the world has the vast diversity in climates that Japan has, since every other country is blanketed in a single season year-round. For example: frigid cold (Canada), blazing sunshine (Australia), pollution and poisonous food (China), or gunfire (America).

The sad thing is there are some Japanese people who think something close to this. OK, maybe with less Pokemon and yeti, but the four seasons myth is something you hear far too often. Japanese people think their country is so special, a magical land that surely no other place on this planet could come close to. Yeeeeah. I’ve been asked multiple times if there is winter in St. Louis, as if the US is some alien planet devoid of temperature fluctuations. Old people, as usual, are even worse.

And before anyone starts thinking to themselves “they were probably just asking if the winter is cold, or how cold, or about the specific climate.” They weren’t. There’s no excuse.

*The terms “Japanese,” “Four,” and ” Seasons” are copyright 711 BC Emperor Jimmu, founder of Japan and direct descendant of the Sun God Amaterasu

**Alternatively referred to as OMFG Nippon is the Greatest Country in the Galaxy Our Leaves Change Color Autumn

We’ve had a few days recently of not-totally-balls-hot weather, and I’m getting hopeful. Is summer just about over? Seriously that would make things absolutely amazing. If I had to choose between sweltering heat and cool rain/overcast, I’d have to go with the latter. Mainly that’s because I’m tired of riding on hot, gross trains to and from work. Right now in Tokyo it’s 73 degrees F, slightly windy, and feels great outside. I know that this is mainly just because of all the rain we’ve been having, but if summer is wearing down I’m all for it.

Since I’m blogging already I might as well diverge into other random babbling. Nothing super interesting during the weeks following Obon Vacation, just working and not getting enough sleep at night due to watching TV and playing on the internet. On Saturday there was a Farewell Party for John who’s leaving Chiba after about a year. It was pretty good; a huge party of mostly people I didn’t know, but at least I commandeered a table for the few that I did. It doesn’t feel like it’s been a year since John got here. I think time is passing pretty quickly, which in a way is bad because I need to figure out exactly what I’m going to do with my life (been thinking about this a lot recently).

I know I don’t want to live in Japan forever, but the question of the moment is how long will I actually be here? And while I realize that a job isn’t the most important thing in life, in reality that’s going to be the deciding factor of where end up living. I guess if I could find a good job in the US I could move back, but I don’t know where in the US I would want to live. St. Louis would be good because my family and a lot of friends are there, but overall I feel like there’s not much else there for me. Japan/Tokyo is very comfortable right now, but I think it’s still different enough for me to have a slight sense of adventure living here. Maybe I’ve been living in too much of a dream world and need to get back to reality. Whether or not reality lies in the US I don’t know, but I need to kind of think what my next job will be. I suppose it’s time to start thinking of a career and some long-term goals, neither of which I have at the moment.

Mindfart.

Is it just me, or does putting on a Band-Aid feel like one of the least-masculine things a guy can do? There are a few reasons for this. First, you’re giving in to the fact that you have a wound that won’t heal by itself. I don’t know if this is a universal man thing, but I’m sure I’m not the only man (or rough woman) who feels some kind of pride in having cuts, bruises, missing limbs, etc that are “no big deal.” You know, you get slashed on the arm with a butcher knife, everyone’s rushing around, freaking out, trying to call 911, and you just look at it, shrug, and say “eh, no problem” and continue eating your steak. With your hands. That’s right, baby. You’re a man. It will heal on its own. You don’t need no medical attention or first aid! You got this on lockdown. I think this is the main reason why Wolverine is so popular. Sure the cigar addiction, razor-sharp claws, and blue Ludwig von Koopa hair all help, but when you get down to it, he’s awesome because he can get hit in the chest by a bazooka point-blank and stand right back up to bone a super model.

Where was I? Oh yeah, putting on a band-aid feels really wussy for another reason, and that’s because the actual, physical act of putting the thing on looks totally retarded. I will admit it: I put a band-aid on tonight for the first time in a long while (years?), after ripping a gaping wound open on my arm region*. Even though I was alone in my apartment I could tell how ridiculous it must have looked. To start, you have this little box, then individually wrapped tiny plastic and wax packages that each holds a small strip of sticky fabric. Already this sounds lame, right?. Then you have to unpeel the band-aid and take off the white plastic tabs, which, thanks to static cling, will without fail, 100% of the time get stuck on your hand when you try to throw it away. Then you’re there fluttering your hand trying to get the thing off, adding more to the ridiculousness. Just think about it again: you’re putting a little sticker on your injury in hopes that it will heal you. It’s just a fancy sticker! It’s no substitute for mutant healing factor.

Yeah, putting on a Band-Aid makes you a total woman.

*blister on my thumb

You know how sometimes you have a dream that feels very real, and other times you have a real-life experience that seems very much like a dream? I had one of the latter today, at least I’m about 90% sure it actually happened. Either way it was pretty odd.

I was teaching classes in the evening down in Ichihara, which means I have to ride the trains about an hour and a half from Shinjuku back towards Chiba, then down south from there. Luckily if I time it right I can catch an express train from Tokyo station, meaning I don’t have to change trains mid-way. The train is usually fairly crowded, but after about 20 minutes a lot of people usually get off, yielding me around a 45-minute nap after grabbing a newly-vacated seat.

I wake up after around a half-hour and notice there’s a bit of a commotion going on in the train car. We had just left Soga station and I couldn’t imagine what was causing the usually lifeless train passengers to scoot around in such a still-silent panic. I sit up a bit and notice to my left that 3 pigeons are walking around. Yes, inside the moving train. They weren’t causing any problems, just walking and making that pigeon noise. Coo, maybe? Nonetheless, tons of people were freaking out as the pigeons just strutted about the floor, minding their business. Now, Japanese people do a lot of things that make no sense to me, but this next part really confused me. Instead of just letting the pigeons walk around and waiting until the next stop (less than 10 minutes), this one genius Japanese guy decides it would be a good idea to hit the ground near the pigeons with his umbrella.

ID. I. OT.

So of course the pigeons go flying, trying to avoid being hit with an umbrella. They head towards the windows, which of course are closed and have people sitting in front of them. The birds hit the windows and land on people, then jump around again as people try to swat at them or shake them off. The situation has just become much much worse because Mr. Wizard thought his magic umbrella would cause the 3 pigeons to vanish in a puff of smoke. So the panic level continues to rise as now you have people all over the long train car getting up and running to either the corners or to the next car. The pigeons are getting more excited now, just trying to figure out how to get off this train while avoiding getting hit by Moron of the Month’s umbrella. Then 1 or 2 more idiots start using their umbrellas (the situation might not have been as bad if it weren’t raining earlier today) to “protect themselves” from the pigeons, creating a vicious cycle or retardedness. I stand up, still slightly asleep having woken up less than a minute ago, and see one of my former co-workers running towards me. I think this was when I started to think I was still in a dream, because what in the world was she doing on this train?*

She jumps into action like she’d been specially trained to deal with pigeons on a train car, opening up a nearby window then running to catch one of the pigeons. She does, checks to make sure there are no trees or electrical poles next to the tracks, and releases pigeon #1 back outside. I get the message and run to open up the other windows on the train, while every other person on the train either 1) sits there as if nothing was going on, 2) quietly runs to the next train car to escape or 3) stare at me or my co-worker out of confusion, as if we were playing catch with a midget covered in peanut butter. Not a single person helped, opened a window, or even said anything. Japanese people love to act like nothing is going on around them. I’m pretty sure that if Godzilla really did attack this country, the reaction of the general public would be to continue walking as if nothing was happening. Or maybe they would try throwing their umbrellas.

So once she got the other 2 pigeons cleared off the train with her bare hands, we closed the windows, wiped our hands, and had a brief chat as the train pulled off at my stop. Needless to say I was pretty impressed. I definitely wouldn’t have done that myself. So that was probably the most exciting 5 minutes I’ve ever had immediately upon waking up. I’m pretty sure this actually happened.

*She was going to Goi to work, obviously.

I started writing this post on the 5th, as it’s labeled. I actually finished it late at night on Tuesday the 17th.

Last Monday, May 26th, we went from Dalian (well, Wafangdian station) to Tangshan via train. Living in Japan for so long, trains are nothing new to me. I ride trains everyday, and occasionally take the long-distance bullet trains. But the train we took this time was nothing like what I’ve experienced before. This was a 9-hour ride from hell on a train half-filled with hobos. I’m not exaggerating either when I say that; the Orient Express this was not. To illustrate my point, there was a hobo right near us that had a crazy burnt-out (probably a cataract) eye and a crazy laugh, and his buddy was a younger hobo who enjoyed a meal consisting of a handful of raw vegetables and a long chicken’s foot. He munched on this food with his blackened hands and gray teeth during the last leg of the ride.

Earlier in the day, we had finished up things with our client in Dalian at lunch with the bugs and other unmentionable food. On the way back from the restaurant to the client’s office, he pulled over about a block away from the office and started talking to these 2 shabby looking guys. I of course have no idea what they said, but minutes later when we arrived at the office to pack up our luggage, those guys were there with their motorized cart to help us out. They helped haul our ridiculous amount of suitcases and boxes of lab equipment all the way to the train station. Their help didn’t end there. These two guys were pretty old, I’d say at least in their fifties, but since they were (assumingly) hired by our client, it was their duty to haul our stuff all the way. The one guy took our 2 huge cardboard boxes, tied a thick rope around them, and hauled them on his back. The other guy got it easy with two heavy rolling suitcases. They not only hauled the stuff into the station, but after waiting with us for the train to come, they went through the gates and hauled them all the way down the long platform with us. I felt bad for the guy with the boxes, because he was struggling and sweating up a storm. Check him out:

Before I go any further, I should describe Wafangdian station. Like many places in these smaller towns in China, I felt like I was in the 1920’s or 30’s. The station felt like an empty warehouse, with tall ceilings, lots of sunlight, very little electronic presence, no air conditioning, and hordes of poor-looking people. There were no electronic ticket gates or signs. They had these big signboards showing the train number and location, swapping out panels for different trains. The gate was just a metal bar with a guard/attendant standing near it, who would open the gates when it was time to board the train. It reminded me of some kind of cattle ranch, with steer waiting to move from one area to the next. So yeah, not a very favorable image of the station.

Pretty much that entire day I felt like I had time warped back about 70 years.

Now to the train ride itself. After having our two slaves load our stuff onto the train, off we were for Tangshan. Except the train didn’t really speed along. Ever. In fact I’m pretty sure if you would take a bouncy rubber ball and kick it along the tracks, you would be going faster than the train. It never felt like we were moving fast, which probably helps explain why the ride took 9 excruciating hours. Unfortunately Tangshan has no airport so we were told that train was the best way to go. However we also found out later that there are faster trains we could have taken, instead of suffering for 9 hours on the Hobo Express. Of course our guide person never told us about these options, and we were stuck with the value travel plan. Each ticket only cost 94RMB, which is like $13 USD. This low price also probably attributed to the many hobos and other poor-looking and sour-smelling passengers.

The first half hour or so wasn’t that bad I guess. We were able to somehow fit our many suitcases on the overhead racks, and sat down. Again, I felt like I was in the Great Depression era. Then our guide was nice enough to tell us that we’d have to stand up at the 4th station, because we don”t have reserved seats. Yeah. A 9-hour train ride and our guide didn’t have the foresight to pay the extra few bucks to get us seats. So once we hit that station, people got on the train and claimed their seats, beginning our 8 hours of standing on a train that was going at the speed of Jell-O.

It’s tough to write about this train ride now, because honestly I think my mind has blocked out most of this traumatizing day. The area between the cars had a little bathroom, a sink area, and standing room for people to smoke. I don’t know if this is really what the area was designed for, but that’s sure how it was used. There was constantly a crowd of about 20 people on either end of the train car smoking, ensuring that the entire train would be filled with smoke at all times. Oh, and the bathroom? My god. Not only was it the Asian-style squat toilet, but there was an added bonus with this one. It was literally a hole, going outside of the train, onto the tracks. Talk about primitive.

At some point in the last few hours of the ride, our guide ended up getting us involved with the people sitting around our standing area. It was a real mixed bag, with the 2 hobos I mentioned earlier, some middle-aged guys, and 2 people about my age. Of course me and my dad can’t speak Mandarin, and the guide is only interpreting maybe one in every ten sentences for us. Not enough to understand what’s going on. The people were nice though, letting us sit down for a bit, still in awe that not only were we not from Beijing, but we were all the way from America, which to some of these poor local people, might as well be Mars. More than a few people at first just thought we were from southern China, which I don’t know is because of the way we look (family roots are there) or because we just didn’t fit in with everyone else.

Of those 2 people my age, one was a girl who could actually speak some English. I was pretty tired of faking conversation with these people, especially when I don’t speak the language at all, and I was getting a headache from standing up on a slow-moving train for an entire day. I made some small talk with her though, since she was the only other passenger who could communicate with us. It was funny when at one point she looks at me and says, in English, “You’ve got a big ass.” What!? I look at my dad sitting across the aisle to see if he heard what I think I did. “I think she said you’ve got a big ass.” I was totally stunned, wondering how in the world to respond, when she starts pointing at her face. “Yes, you’ve got a big ass” she repeated, pointing at her eyes. Ooooooooh! She was saying I’ve got big eyes. Haha. Thank….you…?

And that was pretty much the only moment of entertainment on the entire 9-hour train ride.

After the big ass incident I had about an hour or two left on the train. I spent most of it either napping or fake-napping (Ari no jutsu) so I wouldn’t have to act friendl
y anymore.

Overall today was pretty normal but it was fun. Started off the day going to I Love Pizza with Brian for the lunch tabehoudai. Hadn’t been there in a long time. I think this is by far the best pizza I’ve had in Japan, ever. It’s even good by American standards, but it’s hard to compare anything to the great St. Louis style thin crust. Anyway, we destroyed a medium and 2 large pizzas while they played some terrible movie on the iMac. I think it was like Badnews Bears Part 2: The Bears Go To Japan and Fight the Yakuza. Something like that. It was awful, but I only turned my head to glance a few times as I ate inhuman amounts of pizza.

After that did some weekend private lesson action at Denny’s. Then checked out Tsutaya and Book Off over near there, followed by Game City Monopoly. I hadn’t played that in a while either, so it was fun. Hit a pretty decent jackpot so have some medals in the bank. Had a Goi school party later at night, so that was fun. I was assigned to buy flowers for a teacher who is leaving, so I found a florist over near Skylark. I was pretty amazed at how many flower shops there are on the straight ride from my apartment to the station. I never really paid attention to them before, but there are at least 3, and they were open past 7PM. Strange.

The party was at Kim-chan, which has awesome chijimi and yakiniku. Note to self: do not go to a sweet Korean restaurant less than 6 hours after decimating a pizza tabehoudai. You will not be able to eat much. Oh well, it was still fun. It’s also kind of nice to know that I did a good job at something, and was able to make some kind of an impression. I won’t go into detail but apparently some students at my old school still think fairly highly of me. That’s good right? Had a conversation about staying in Japan and stuff, which reflected pretty well on my current situation. I think I want to stay here, but I don’t exactly know why. If I can find a good job here, then I’ll stay, but if not, should I head back home? I think I’d be happy either here or the US. Originally one of the main reasons I came to Japan instead of moving immediately into an office cubicle was to see more interesting stuff, live a bit more. I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job at that. Not sure what I’m doing to do from here though. Is it selfish of me to be holding out for a job I actually enjoy at my age?

I also had a student recently tell me the difference between Japanese people and another foreigner he knew was that the other guy has fun with his job, and most Japanese people don’t. I didn’t push too much of my own opinion on the student, but why in the world should you be doing a job if you don’t enjoy it? I can see sometimes that of course you have to work to live, but if you have some cushion and the time and resources to look for a new job, why wouldn’t you try to do something you actually like? At this point as I search for a new job, the absolute most important requirement is that it should be something I think I’ll like. Salary and hours don’t matter so much if you enjoy what you’re doing, because you’d probably be willing to do it for free (not that money’s not an incentive). So I see tons of BS job postings for assistant teachers, headhunter, executive search consultant (exact same as headhunter), etc here in Japan, and think those would only be a far last resort. I’m fairly confident I can find something more interesting, it just might take a bit of time. It’s really easy to find a job, but it’s extremely difficult to find a job you actually want to do.

That was my deep rant for the night. I need to sleep.