I wish there was a way I could silently take pictures with my phone, but there’s not because too many Japanese guys take upskirt shots of middle school girls. Thus, it’s mandatory for Japanese phones to make a shutter noise. There’s no option to shut it off.

Anyways I’m writing this on my phone as I ride the Sobu line train towards Funabashi. The dude standing across from me looks like a young Japanese Rob Schneider if you can picture it. He has a really short buzz cut, a purse, tight holy jeans, huge buckled boots, a diagonal referee t-shirt, and is carrying a grandma shirt over his arm (probably for if it gets “a lil’ chilly willy”). But worse of all he is listening to his headphones and making this creepy child molester face. Not just smiling, but constantly making slight movements with his eyebrows and mouth as if he were Roseanne listening to the waitress at Golden Corral describe the specials. He is also doing the Night at the Roxbury dance. That’s Japan for you.

Aaaand he just got off at Tsudanuma.